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  • What they say to kids who want pets:

    Are you sure you're not just saying you want one because all your friends have one? Remember, it's not going to be small and cute forever, it will grow up eventually! It's a living being that will depend entirely on you for the rest of its life. Are you really sure you're ready for this?

  • What they say to adults who DON'T want kids:

    Oh, you'll want one sooner or later. Everybody does, after all. Besides, babies are soooo cute, aren't they? You'd better hurry up before you get too old!

aparselmouthspatronous:

dickinyourmonument:

ohyousillypotato:

so i was just taking a shower and a guitar pick fell out of my hair

i don’t play guitar

maybe it was god telling you you rock

no no, he picked you

  • iPhone user:

    I'm so excited to get the iPhone 6

  • Android user:

    Why do people with iPhones think they're so much better than everyone else

  • iPhone user:

    I just like this pho-

  • Android user:

    The Samsung Anus5000 had that screen *snort* like 2 years ago! *glomping noise* How are you enjoying 2012 you mindless sheeple?? *uses inhaler to suppress incoming asthma attack*

I think the scariest thing about falling in love is that there’s always an opportunity to fall out of it. There is no signed contract, no promises that can’t be broken, no guarantees that that person will stick around and that scares me to death. One day, they can just wake up and be over your little weird habits, and the way you say the letter “I.” They’ll realize you’re selfish, they’ll realize they deserve so much more. And that’s the scariest thought I’ve ever had.
this is so personal i’m going to be sick (via brennanat)

confidnet:

supersamurai91:

confidnet:

i wasted my last bagel my life is over

Just get some bread and cut out a circle

i have never been so offended in my entire life

humpthe-moist-cavewall:

lumos5001:

benedictcumbercake:

inbox:

I’m a teenager why does my back hurt I’m not 70 years old

Boobs.

period cramps

*Mom voice* it’s that damn computer again

Stop shopping at Urban Outfitters.

overtheunderpass:

honeybeeprofessor:

DOnt shop at urban outfitters 

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they literally sold a blood-stained-looking sweatshirt with the name of a college that there was a school shooting at 

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they sold prescription-drug related accessories trying to make it cute

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they sold a board game entitled “gettopoly” i should not have to explain why this is bad

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they sold a super cissexist card with the T slur on it 

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they literally sold this shirt

PLEASE STOP SHOPPING AT URBAN OUTFITTERS

WOW, Ew

spongyspice:

we all have a person who’s name we hear and we just

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macintush:

"It’s pronounced like jif"

Yeah well I don’t gif a fuck